In Fields of Reflection

Emotions run raw and painful
just below the surface of my skin:
now prickling with intensity, now barely perceptible…
yet always lurking,
rearing their head in unexpected moments
like a sudden gust of wind,
a thorn pricking my flesh,
glass shattering on the hard ground.

Breaking the silence,
they beg to be released.
Yet distraction is what I have continued to choose:
anything to prevent me
from quieting my mind,
as if avoiding thoughts of you
will somehow spare me
from finally having to say goodbye.

But today I feel beckoned
to summon my courage
and wander
into fields of reflection;
to allow my heart to break
as I embrace the reality
that I will never see you again
this side of heaven.

I can still hear your whispered, “I love you,”
the phone held to your lips
just hours before you left us.
My mind replays
our last hurried embrace,
that sparkle in your eye,
your tender smile,
despite your own pain and suffering.

Always hopeful,
ready to encourage,
looking beyond yourself.
This was your greatest gift to me
(though you gave
so many,
so freely;
could I ever count them all?)

It is that part of you
that will always live on in me;
a sweet reflection
of God’s own heart:
as Father and Mother,
nurturing,
building up,
speaking life.

And now,
at last
as I linger here
in these fields of reflection,
I understand
that yes –
it is a place of weeping,
of releasing.

But it is also a space
for gathering and cherishing,
celebrating,
and being thankful;
for drinking deeply
from the cup that you poured for me
over and over again
throughout my life.

So goodbye for now,
and may we meet again soon
in fields of reflection.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3

4 thoughts on “In Fields of Reflection

  1. Dear Maureen, Gosh, words cannot express the raw feelings that emerged from my very inner being after reading your poem, “In Fields of Reflection.” I’m definitely not a poet, nor a writer, so can you imagine how much I appreciated your words of lament and praise as your words expressed what I too feel? Loss is so difficult. I lost my first child, I lost my dad tragically (42 years ago but I still miss him), my first husband left me when he realized he didn’t love me anymore, lost my first grandchild, and now, feeling the loss of Mike. It’s been a tough three years, and many of us are still in shock over his behavior. A man of God is now a Prodigal. So very sad. If you don’t mind, I’ve printed out your poem to be read over and over again. It releases my inner feelings, it’s cleansing, it makes me look to my Saviour…my Refuge and my Strength. Keep it coming Maureen. I just wanted to write this brief message to let you know how much I appreciate your “Reflections.” It’s been a long time since your last one, but heck, it always comes when I most need it. Engraved on the Palm of His Hands, Shirlynne PS…I’m not a social media person, so I was glad when your latest “Reflection” appeared in my email inbox. It’s all God!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh Shirlynne! Thank you so, so much for your feedback about my poem, and for sharing your own heart and pain over these many years, and in particular the recent ones. My heart breaks for you, and I pray for you whenever I think of you, my friend. I am honored that you have printed out the “Reflections” poem and that it also serves to help you process your own grief and look to our awesome God of hope. I do hope to get back to writing more, but it’s been a battle between my health issues and often busy schedule. It truly is a place of solace for me, though. Love you, my sister!

      Like

  2. Wow! That was Incredible, but tough to get through!!!
    Maureen, you have an Amazing gift from our FATHER!!! Thank you for writing and sharing those “raw and painful emotions”!!! LORD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY!!! Romans 12:15!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bill and Sue, thank you SO much for your comment and feedback. I love hearing how my writing impacts others. God bless you both so richly. You are so often in our prayers, knowing that God is strengthening, healing, and restoring you, and using you for His glory.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s